Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
