How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
