Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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