I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize