I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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