Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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