Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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