I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
