1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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