Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
