my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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