When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it's like iHOP with fire
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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