She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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