I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize