White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
