who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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