Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
