i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no