I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.