Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
