Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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