My balls are so social today.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
