Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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