the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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