and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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