I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
