I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
