Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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