i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
