my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
