Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
