I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
