y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
