you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
