My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
