White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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