My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
