my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize