wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
