There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
