He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
