There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
