I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Life is so much better after having sex.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
