If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
