I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
