Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
