whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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