come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
that is very illegal...i love you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
