I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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