Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
