my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
