I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm always down for nudity.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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