Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
