just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
