well you can't waste a boner
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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