His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
porn star boner night. come get it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
