Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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