I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
