Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
