I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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