you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
