Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
