i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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