1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
