Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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