Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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