I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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