I just pynch a tree in the face
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
