I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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