I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
