my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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