Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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