I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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